im about as happy as oj after his trial
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
