Its about making memories worth repressing
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
