i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
