She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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