my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
