Whod you bang
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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