I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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