Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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