I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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