I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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