For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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