i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
