Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
