He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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