Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Are my feet made of real feet?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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