The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
