everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
