Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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