I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
