Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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