I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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