youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
