She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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