booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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