hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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