Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
