FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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