so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
