I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
