Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
