Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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