so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
