Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
