R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
