I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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