she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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