The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
