Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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