Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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