What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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