I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
40s are totally the cure
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
