Who did Billy Mays play for?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
