my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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