This is not my ceiling
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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