omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
