I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
