at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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