i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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