just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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