i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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