You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
