I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
