Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
