after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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