I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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