forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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