He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
