He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The struggles of a small town man whore
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
