And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
