So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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