Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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